I was thinking about weight gain/loss in my morning fog today. I weighed myself last week, I am only up 15 lbs from where I was but my clothing is fitting considerably tighter than it was. It reminded me that I never REALLY believed that you can lose inches instead of weight, I always thought it was a trick that the people who say that kind of stuff were trying to play on my mind. Now that I have experienced it for myself...IT IS SO TRUE! You can lose inches but not pounds! I can see it and feel it in my stomach, abdomen, and behind. That's why I allowed myself to continue eating as I was because I wasn't gaining that much weight, so I wasn't doing that bad, right? Boy howdy was I wrong.
I think this is one of my biggest obstacles...the self-loathing I feel over allowing myself to gain so much. I tricked myself into thinking I was doing fine. I wasn't. I'm still not. BUT I recognize it and I am fighting it. It's a hard battle. It tires me out. I want to give up. But I won't. I refuse to give in to my self-loathing.
When I continue to think about the big picture, the reason I am doing this - for my health, for my family, for my grandkids. When I keep those things in mind, when I remember how good it felt when I was making better choices and stop lamenting what is past, I know I can do it. Another thing I realized this morning is that I haven't been visualizing that person I want to be. I have thought about what I want to accomplish but I haven't VISUALIZED what it might look like. It looks like a healthy girl who loves to be in motion, who has energy, who is smiling, who is a good example of healthy choices to her family, she is generous and serves others...she's thin too but if I focus on that too much, I get overwhelmed...she is content with herself because she is doing.
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